Love Abbey! Walmart! McDonald’s!

 I admit it: I love Walmart – and I love McDonald’s.

When I was all tucked in and cozy within four walls, eating organic eggs and fresh radishes with leaves for breakfast and shopping organic, that made me feel great and I don’t diss it at all. Sometimes, however, our rules must  be broken.

When you’re living off the grid, can’t find a place to camp, and it’s getting dark, the bright glow of parking lot lamps at Walmart—as well as those blessed, predictable Golden Arches nearby—feel like the warm embrace of Mom.

I was in-between camping on BLM land outside Zion, engrossed in my re-read of Edward Abbey’s Monkey Wrench Gang, and had taken a few detours to experience the Marble Canyon, Lees Ferry, and Glen Canyon I was just reading about in the book.

(Here’s my view as I read during the last bit of daylight at my free BLM camp.)

It (the book) should have a better noun, as Abbey’s writing is like an over-the-top Fourth of July fireworks display transposed into words. I had read it a few years back and realized while at Zion, that I was on the trail of this most awesome writer, conservationist, and inspiring ‘would be’ activist/anarchist.

On my way back down from the Angel’s landing trail, I intersected a rapt audience sitting on a flat rock overlooking a beautiful Zion vista, listening to Ranger Ray’s presentation on the “most rare bird in the world”: the California Condor. I always love these ranger programs, as they open my eyes to all kinds of information I wouldn’t have thought to seek out otherwise. After RR’s talk, I had a conversation with him that led to my mentioning that I wished I had brought along a copy of Abbey’s Monkey Wrench Gang. “Oh! We sell Abbey’s books here!” was his response. “Just stop in the museum or the Lodge gift shop and you’ll probably find it.”

Perfect! Sunset is getting earlier, so I climb into Sparky and read Abbey to the light of headlamp until my eyes begin watering too profusely to stay awake.

I had planned to find a National Forest camp that night, near the South Rim of the Grand Canyon, where Ranger Ray says you can spot the condors. However, I just couldn’t resist another detour to see Page AZ and the horrors wreaked on Glen Canyon by the Glen Canyon Dam. Driving into Page from the vast pink, vermillion, lavender, and rust-colored mesas, I was  arrested by this scene. Multiple power lines (way more than usual–really) cut through the landscape in all directions.

It’s a tragedy. I earned an even better appreciation for Abbey’s book, seeing the truth of it before my eyes.

Which brings me back to loving Walmart…

After my foray into Page I realized there wasn’t any way I was going to make the Grand Canyon in time to settle into a campsite, so decided it would be another night in the Walmart parking lot at Page. I cannot tell you how comforting it is to know there is someplace to go that does not require a reservation and is absolutely free! This was the fourth night I’ve used the WM lot in four months on the road, and I am truly grateful. As a PR professional, I am impressed at this welcoming of travelers in cars and RVs—certainly the best PR campaign since Avis’ “We Try Harder”, New Belgium Brewing’s “Tour de Fat”, and Progressive Insurance’s beloved character-rep, Flo. I have learned to appreciate parking next to or in-between the largest RVs that create a nice shadow from the lights. Take Dutch Star here, for example.

I look forward on these evenings at Walmart, to waking up in the Lot and heading for the familiar Golden Arches! I’m here drinking my tall coffee right this moment! I’m tellin’ ya, folks, a dollar for a large cup of coffee—and it’s really good coffee—ready at 5am, is a fun thing to anticipate. I maximize the experience by ordering a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit without the biscuit, which comes in a nice covered plate with knife and fork. The entire breakfast costs me $4.44. This once-a-month breakfast undoes any troubles I may be having with slow digestion (ah-chem!), and I make up for any unseemliness in the food by munching on raw radishes and rainbow carrots as I drive on.

           Driving south on 89, I see a vision of the future:
 I’ve managed to secure a small plot of land somewhere wild and put up a tiny home. It’s vacation time and I escape to the nearest city for a day of shopping and a night in Sparky – in the Walmart parking lot. Breakfast at Micky D’s punctuates the vacation from my Eden in the wilderness. I’m glad to go back.

Turns out we have dense fog at the Grand Canyon! Yikes! Can’t see a damn thing. It’s even raining! I’m actually enjoying the moisture—the first in four months! It’s a day of visitor center movies, museums, and a lot of loafing in the lounge with my favorite author. Next up: Desert Solitaire.